To the busy wife and mama who feels unseen at church….you're NOT invisible
To the busy wife and mama; when the church doesn't see you - it doesn't mean you're invisible!
Everyone has their heartache; their momentary trials and hardships and it's hard to lift our eyes off ourselves when we're in pain, to see who else might be suffering. The tangible, almost immediate attack of the enemy is to whisper darkness to your heart in an attempt to make you believe that you are alone, you are unworthy, you will not ever 'fit in' and you are destined for invisibility. Don't entertain these thoughts for a second!
I just attended church alone, with my 4 kids for the 12th week in a row this year (husband is in the military and absent for training) and for only the second time since we started attending this church 6 months ago: I came and went without having a conversation with a single other adult. As a military wife who spends months at a time solo parenting with no family support due to our posting location, more often than not, Sunday church is my only hope of having a face to face conversation with another adult. This Sunday was discouraging to say the least. While I can say a few quick hellos on my way into church each Sunday, after the service while I'm busy keeping an eye on my three bigger kids and wrangling my not-quite-walking 1 year old; I haven't got a hope of inserting myself in conversation .... I'm solely reliant on someone approaching me for conversation and being willing to trail me around while I chase my toddler. Most weeks, this happens and I'm so incredibly grateful for the companionship of whichever adult comes to say hi and have a chat. But this week was different.
There was a solemnity in the air when I arrived at church.... the atmosphere seemed tense and unfamiliar compared to the past few months that we'd been attending; since posting to our current location.
When I wasn't approached by a single church goer after the service, I was sorely tempted to revert back to my “younger-self” way of thinking: "Of course nobody wants to talk to me ... why would they? I'm not worth knowing - I've always been invisible - why would that change now?"
Notice how God's enemy does a fantastic job of turning our eyes off our heavenly Father and onto ourselves? The absolute easiest way for him to sew discord, create self-doubt and discourage us from pursuing our purpose as wives and mamas, is to turn our focus off of the supernatural capabilities of Father God and onto the limited abilities of ourselves. We begin to believe the lie that it's all about us and then become disillusioned with God when we inevitably feel alone and unheard.
As tempted as I was to accept the narrative that God's enemy was trying to sow in my heart; it occurred to me to ask another mama in passing as I collected my big kids from kid's church: “I missed the announcements … what is happening this morning?”
Wow am I glad that I asked that question! It turned out that the air of solemnity that morning was grief over the death of one beloved church member and the impending passing of another. One elderly, the other a middle aged wife and mama of three with terminal cancer. BOTH of them beautiful souls who had been integral in the building, growth, love and care of the church community.
How foolish I felt in that moment, to have nearly believed the enemy's lie that I was overlooked because I was unworthy, when in reality, all around me were people enduring unimaginable pain at the loss of their close friend or family member. I was feeling put out that my military spouse hardships (solo parenting, grieving children, poor health etc) went unacknowledged and I wasn't extended friendship in that moment, when most of the congregation that morning were mourning a tremendous loss.
That realisation was a powerful reminder from God that every one of us are navigating trials in this life. Some of us visibly, others - most will never see or know of their daily pain. I was so busy focusing on my struggles that morning that I nearly missed an opportunity to pray for my community who were hurting and to extend grace to those who weren't performing in their usual capacity because of immense personal hardship.
I won't always be seen in the way in which I would like, but that does not mean that I'm destined for invisibility- and neither are you!
As busy, weary and burdened mamas … we so often spend our Sundays pacing corridors with unsettled toddlers or nursing a baby in the parents room or serving on a ministry team. It is so easy to come and go in this season of life without many, if any, even noticing we were there and that we laid our whole heart at the foot of the cross. But Jesus saw. The God of all creation was overjoyed at your presence and welcomed you with open arms.
There will be more times than we care to think about, where others will be so consumed by their own pain, that we go unnoticed or overlooked or underestimated or unacknowledged. Let's choose to use those days and moments though, to pray for our brothers and sisters in pain.
Let's give our loneliness, our overwhelm and our desire for recognition to the one who created us fearfully and wonderfully and let Him step into the gap, so that instead of expecting others around us to meet those needs maybe we'll spot those around us who are hurting and need a dose of love and we'll be ready to pour out of the validation, self worth and purpose that God filled us with.
A prayer for you…
Father God,
Fill my heart and mind with your peace and purpose and let my identity come from you. When people around me are in pain and are too distracted to meet or even see my needs: help me to remember to come to the cross and lay my burdens at your feet. I know that my self worth is found in you: help me to stand strong against the lie of your enemy that I am invisible or unworthy. I put my trust in you, to meet my needs.
Amen.
